they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
