OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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