Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
