I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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