you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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