gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
