Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
