what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When are your genitals available?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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