dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
