i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
