I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
