She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
