Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
