i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
