I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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