Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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