i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
