She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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