I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
