can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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