your thong is hanging out like whoa
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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