saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
