being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
