I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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