but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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