Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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