Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
