pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
