we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
