i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
