And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
