Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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