sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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