So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
