I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
