Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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