he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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