We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
