Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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