Nicole vs. Life
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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