We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
