She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
