Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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