Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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