and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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