I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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