I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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