As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
