she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I believe in your delicious
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
