i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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